Wait
by veritas6.5
Summary: After Jack leaves, chaos reigns in the Hub, and Gwen finds it is too hard a job for anyone who isn't Jack. Revised to put Chapter 5 where it belongs.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Wait.  
1 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,104  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest ever Wait. Chapter 1—"I told him to wait."

Wait. Gwen thought to herself, Jack was just here. He was here, and alive, and real. Now he's gone, as if he never was. She was shattered by the long vigil she had kept over Jack's body, and just when it seemed that all was about to return to something approaching normal, suddenly, Jack was gone. And Rhys . . .

Gwen fumbled her keys, hands made clumsy by her impatience to get into the flat, and threw open the door. "Rhys? Rhys!" It had been nearly a week since she'd been home, but she had called every night. Almost every night. She talked only to the answering machine, apologetic, but unable to explain to him what she was still doing at the Hub, and why she couldn't come home yet.

The rooms held an air of emptiness and staleness. It felt like no one had been there for a while. The kitchen was tidy, but the houseplants were wilted. The message machine was blinking, full of her messages. In the fridge the milk was sour, and leftovers had grown a protective coating of mould. There was no evidence of Rhys in the bedroom or bathroom either, toiletries scattered about, but both their toothbrushes dry and stiff.

"I told him to wait. I told him I'd be back for him," she muttered to herself. She put the phone back into her pocket, and sank down onto the settee. "Where would he have gone?" She tried to recall every moment of her quick visit home before she'd returned to the Hub. She could still feel his lips on hers. She knew he wouldn't have gone anywhere without checking with her. How was it, then, that he was gone?

The realisation fell on her like a ton of bricks. He wasn't gone. He'd been taken.

Gwen heard the roar of the engine as Ianto's car sped up and stopped behind the Torchwood SUV, and he ran, followed closely by Owen and Tosh, to the rock-strewn expanse where Gwen was still cradling Jack's body. Ianto fell to his knees on the ground, and Owen stooped to feel for a pulse, but Jack's body was cooling already. "He'll come back," Ianto whispered, "he always wakes up."

Gwen relinquished Jack to Ianto's frenzied embrace, rose to her feet, and let Tosh put an arm around her shoulders to lead her back to the car. "He screamed so hard," Gwen managed to choke out, "and then he just collapsed backwards, flat onto the ground, and didn't move again. It was horrible. The shadow of Abaddon touched him, and he started screaming and screaming . . ." Tosh pushed Gwen into the back seat of Ianto's car, and she hurried around to the other side to hold Gwen's shaking body close.

Gwen watched Ianto and Owen as they took Jack's body to the SUV, and Ianto climbed into the back seat, where Owen gently handed the limp corpse to him. Ianto rocked with Jack in his arms, weeping quietly, caressing the cold face.

Back at the Hub, they took the corpse on a gurney to the medical bay where Owen was able to do a more thorough examination. He sighed heavily, looked up to the balcony where Gwen, Ianto, and Tosh were waiting anxiously, and said, "I think he's dead. I can't pick up any sign of life, there's no electrical activity in his brain."

"He'll come back," Gwen insisted, and reached for Ianto's hand. He clasped her hand in his, and she embraced him, rubbing circles on his back. She said it again, "he'll come back," as much to herself as to Ianto for reassurance, Owen shook his head. He pulled one of the plastic shrouds out of the medical supply cabinet and shook it out.

Gwen quickly led Ianto away from the medical bay and to the couch by the workstations. She didn't want to watch as Owen started unbuttoning Jack's shirt, stripping the body of its clothing, and she didn't think it would be something that Ianto could bear, either. Tosh went to the kitchen to start some strong coffee. It was going to be a long night.

Owen had finished preparing the body. Gwen and Ianto returned to the medical bay and they all accompanied Owen as he pushed the gurney down to the crypts. He pulled open cabinet 304 and they transferred Jack's shrouded body to the slab. The shroud was still open, and as Owen reached to zip it up, Gwen held his hand back, "Wait. I agree with Ianto, I think he'll come back."

"Gwen, there's not a chance," Owen assured her. "There's nothing there. He's gone."

"I want to stay with him," she said firmly. They all stood around looking at her, as she bent over Jack's body, and straightened the medical gown Owen had put on him, then straightened the edges of the shroud. She refused to meet anyone's eyes, but kept watching Jack, waiting for any sign of life.

Owen was aware of Ianto, stood in the back corner, watching Gwen, obviously wishing to be anywhere but here. He knew that body on the slab wasn't Jack. There was no life in that empty husk. The great warm hands were cold, the lips were blue. The brilliant eyes were closed, the face was still.

Owen followed at a distance as Ianto, obviously controlling himself, could barely keep from running away from the crypts. If Jack were really gone, for good, could this be the best thing, for Jack, at least? Ianto found his way to the medical bay and picked up Jack's greatcoat from where Owen had folded it. Owen was about to speak, but Ianto turned to the stairs and carried the coat up to Jack's office. He hung it on the coat rack, and grabbed fistfuls of the lining, burying his face in the coat's lining, crying as if his heart would break.

Owen knew better than to interfere. The grief was a good thing for Ianto. He would deal with it and maybe be able to accept Jack's death.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Wait.  
1 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,104  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest ever Wait. Chapter 2—"Please come back."

Gwen put up with Tosh's hovering for perhaps another hour, watching Gwen watch Jack. Gwen waited anxiously for any sign of life. Tosh's eyes simply overflowed with tears that rolled down her cheeks. She leaned against the pillars of the crypt, but Gwen kept walking around, touching Jack from time to time.

Gwen wished that Tosh would stop the silent crying. She was having a hard time holding on herself, and she didn't want Jack to awaken to weepy faces. She sent a couple of impatient looks in Tosh's direction, and finally Tosh left. "I'll be upstairs if you need me," Tosh told Gwen. But Gwen only nodded, her gaze fixed on Jack's face.

Unable to keep still herself, Gwen stroked his hair, smoothed his cheeks, and twitched the shroud into better alignment. She went to lean against the pillar where Tosh had been standing. After a while, she turned to put her back against the other closed crypt doors so she could keep her eyes on Jack. She slid down to sit on the floor. She changed position frequently, but didn't leave his side that night.

Jack was unmoving and cold to her touch. There was no color in his skin, his eyelashes starkly black against the pallor, and once rigor had passed, Gwen lifted his left hand and held it to her cheek. "Come back," she pleaded in a whisper, "please come back." Owen brought Gwen a stool to sit on to keep her off the floor. She accepted the seat, but wouldn't let go of Jack's hand.

Gwen was still watching when Tosh returned the next morning. "Gwen," she said, "please come away now."

"No." Gwen didn't move.

"He's not coming back," Tosh whispered.

"Leave me alone, Tosh. I'm staying," Gwen swayed with weariness, and she could barely form the words.

"At least take a break, get a nap," she coaxed.

Gwen shook her head in protest, "You'll zip up the bag and freeze him."

"I promise you that I won't," Tosh said, her voice hollow. She pushed Gwen toward the stairs. "Go get some sleep. I'll stay here until you come back. I'll take care of him for you."

"Promise me." Gwen drew a shuddering breath. "Owen would shut him away."

"I won't let him," Tosh assured Gwen.

Gwen shook her head, as if to clear it. "Where's Ianto?"

"Owen took him to his sister's, we didn't want him to be alone. He's going to stay there for a few days. He couldn't watch you any more."

Gwen bowed her head, and walked slowly away. Exhausted, she slept fitfully on the Hub couch for a few hours, then returned to the crypt and sent Tosh away.

The next day, and the day after that, Tosh relieved Gwen for a few hours, but Gwen stayed by Jack for three days. Alone with him again, on the third day, finally, she took a deep breath, and peered closely at his face. Not a muscle had moved since he collapsed after his encounter with Abaddon.

Gwen bent over him one last time, hesitated, and placed a tender and loving kiss on his lips. She looked at him for another minute before she forced herself to walk away. She would go upstairs and tell them that they were right. This time, Jack would not come back. Each step away was misery. She was so tired, and emotionally exhausted, but she stopped, sure she had heard Jack's voice hoarsely whisper "thank you." Surely it was only her imagination. But what if . . . she turned and ran back to him.

Jack hadn't moved, but as she searched his face again for any sign of life, his eyes moved under his closed lids. His eyelashes fluttered, and he forced his eyes open. His lips parted in a slight smile. Gwen put her hands on his cheeks, and felt his skin warm under her fingertips. She started to cry, and he started to take deeper breaths. He struggled to sit up, and the skimpy robe shifted. He smiled more broadly. "Is there any water?" he croaked.

Gwen held tightly to Jack's hand when, less than an hour later, Jack walked into the office level of the Hub. He was dressed, somewhat fortified by several glasses of cool water, and one superb cup of coffee, Gwen felt gratified, knowing that, this time, it was her unwavering faith that had brought him back, and now she could freely share him with Ianto, Owen, and Tosh. When he showed himself to the rest of the team, they were beyond surprised, and to their astonishment, the tears, the forgiveness—always forgiveness—was the first thing he gave back to them.

Gwen held back to give them their time with him, but watched closely as he was greeted by Tosh, Ianto, and Owen.

Tosh was the first one to see him, and she ran across the catch basin walkways to hug him. She released him and took a long look. He smiled back reassuringly, and squeezed her shoulders.

Ianto's eyes were wide with disbelief as he came closer and awkwardly almost offered an outstretched hand before Jack pulled him into a firm embrace and planted a kiss on his lips, holding him close.

Owen ventured onto the walkway, not quite sure of his reception, and Jack turned from Ianto to meet him halfway, holding out his arms. Owen walked into the embrace, burying his face on Jack's chest, and heard Jack whisper "I forgive you," as he kissed Owen's head.

Gwen stayed behind with Jack while the others went out to bring back fresh coffees. There was so much she had to know. Her mind was still raw with the memories of what she had experienced, what the others had been shown, and she had to know what it was that Jack had seen. Owen had shot Jack dead so that they could open the Rift and try to bring order back into all their lives. They had opened a portal for Abaddon instead.

Jack was sitting at his desk, and Gwen perched on one corner, still regarding him with a bit of wonder. "What did it feel like?" she asked. "What did you see?"

He was reluctant to talk about it. "It wasn't like anything I've known before. It was agony. It went on forever, and then, for a long time, there was just nothing. Nothing." He shook his head. "I thought I could feel someone holding my hand, but it didn't seem real, like I'd seen it in a picture, or heard about it, not that I could feel it myself. Someone kissed me. You kissed me," he said softly.

"I kissed you," she admitted. "After all that, it seemed that Owen had sacrificed you for no reason, and we were devastated."

"Only _you_ didn't give up. Why didn't you give up?" he asked.

"I don't know." She pressed her lips together. "I couldn't. It was a kind of penance. We disobeyed you, and I believed you would forgive us, come back to us."

"I'm not a god, Gwen," he shook his head ruefully.

"You warned us that opening the Rift would be a terrible mistake, but we all had overwhelming reasons to do it. I had to bring Rhys back," Gwen said, "Owen wanted so badly for Diane to come back to him that he was willing to kill you for the chance. What would have made you want to open the Rift?"

"Nothing," Jack said. "Except," he finally admitted with a sardonic smile, "the right kind of doctor."

Buzzing, pulsing sounds reverberated in the base of the Hub and captured his attention. He got up from the desk and hurried down to the floor of the Hub. Bubbles were rising in the curious hexagonal jar on the table by the stairway. He smiled and took a deep, hopeful breath. He picked up the jar, stuffed it into a nearby backpack, and ran for the cog door, shrugging the pack onto his shoulders as the siren screamed.

Gwen was talking to him, but in the middle of a sentence, in the middle of a word, there was a strong gust of wind, like a dust devil in the middle of the Hub, and papers flew from every surface. Gwen ran out of Jack's office, into the lower room, calling to Jack. She couldn't see him through the whirling paper storm, even though he had just been in front of her. She searched everywhere. The cog door's siren sounded again, and it rolled open, admitting the others, and Gwen asked them frantically, "Did you pass Jack on the way in?" The wind was still swirling papers from all the desks. "Jack's gone, something's taken him!"

It was almost an hour later that Gwen finally, guiltily, thought of Rhys, patiently waiting for her. She had promised she would be back for him. Frantically racing for home, she dialled his cell, and got the same answering message she had been getting all week. The number for Harwoods: "Hullo, is Rhys there? No? All week?" She made several more calls. Banana Boat, Daff, his other friends, all claimed they hadn't seen Rhys in several days.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Wait.  
3 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,809  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest ever Wait. Chapter 3—"Didn't we fix the Rift?"

Ianto tapped his comm, pausing from fishing the loose papers out of the catch basin. "Gwen, what's wrong? Gwen, I can't understand you, slow down. What?" He called to Tosh and Owen from the office. "Gwen's on her way back here. Rhys isn't at home, and she can't find him anywhere. His phone isn't picking up. He seems to have disappeared suddenly, like Jack."

Toshiko stood up from her chair. "I'll go up and meet her in the garage," she said.

Ianto nodded his agreement. "I'll come with you."

Owen was there before either of them. He took a proprietary stance by the door, as if to say, _it's me she'll want._ When Gwen pulled her car into the garage with screeching tyres, she flung herself out of the car, crying and screaming. "Didn't we fix the Rift? Wasn't that the whole reason that Owen shot Jack? Now he's gone, Rhys is gone . . ."

They gathered in Jack's office. Ianto stood in the corner by the coat rack watching as the team tried to pull itself together. Tosh and Gwen sat in the visitor chairs, but no one had the temerity to sit in Jack's chair. Gwen propped her arms on the edge of the desk and dropped her head into her hands. "Now what?"

"We could open the Rift again," Owen offered, lounging in the doorway. Ianto's heart started pounding. Jack could come back again? Was Owen really suggesting that, after the disastrous results they had just confronted?

"No," Gwen lifted her head to answer firmly, "It hasn't really done us any good to do that, just as Jack warned us."

"Well, he isn't here to stop us, is he?" Owen said. There was a shocked silence in the room.

"We're _not_ going to open the Rift again," Gwen said. "We don't know for sure what took them. Remember, Jack said the Rift would be more volatile now. We shouldn't invite trouble." Ianto looked over at Tosh, who nodded at him. The last thing they needed at this point was a power struggle for the leadership.

"Oh, no," Owen grumbled. "We have plenty to deal with already, don't we?" He stomped off to the medical bay, "What's the point of anything, then?" he shouted in frustration, knocking over a tray of instruments.

"Don't argue with me about this, Owen," Gwen yelled after him. "I'm not in the mood."

"So you're bloody taking over then?" he hollered back.

Gwen decided not to answer him. She moved some papers around on Jack's desk. "Let's just allow this to settle for a few days, shall we? Maybe Jack and Rhys will come back, and we can all get on with our work." Ianto relaxed slightly and moved from the coat rack to stand behind Gwen, physically reinforcing her leadership.

"Do you really think that will happen?" Tosh asked, wanting some reassurance.

"I have to," Gwen snapped.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|

.

It was, after all, a vain hope, as they'd probably all suspected it would be, even if they hadn't wanted to say it to her face. Neither Jack or Rhys reappeared out of the ether during the two tense weeks that followed. Gwen checked the Rift monitors, and sent out bots to search the news webs for some mention of Jack or Rhys, or any unidentified John Does. None of the reports matched.

Gwen quietly took over Jack's office. She asked Ianto to join her one morning, and he showed up with his coffee tray and a cup of coffee for each of them. "How can I help you, Gwen?"

She looked up at Ianto's gaunt face, and blinked back her own tears, gesturing at the desktop. "Let's clear the desk of Jack's personal stuff. I think you're the right one to help me with this. I know it's protocol to put all of it into storage, but I'd rather keep it here in the Hub rather than put it somewhere else. Is there anything you'd like to have for yourself? A memento?"

He took a deep breath. "Let's put it all away for now. I'll get some boxes."

She came to the front of the desk, leaned against it, and took Ianto's hand. "I know what you're hoping, Ianto. But I think we have to face facts, no matter how much we'd like to avoid them. Neither of them is coming back."

"That we know of," Ianto said.

"I want to believe that, too." Changing the subject, she said, "I'd like to leave this coral on the desk, but I think that all the other personal stuff from the top and the drawers should be put into storage. We have room in the archives, don't we?"

"If we're so damn sure that they're not coming back, why store it?" he swore. "What's the point? It just draws out the agony, doesn't it?"

"It's protocol," Gwen reminded him. "Torchwood operatives' personal effects are always stored. I know it's a shite rule, Ianto, but maybe it's protocol because sometimes they do come back." She avoided his eyes, looking down at the desk. "Maybe they will."

"I thought you were certain that they were gone," he said. "You made us all believe it."

"Yes, well, I had to, didn't I?" She took refuge in moving papers around on the desk. "I do believe it."

"You don't," he challenged. "I'll bet you haven't managed to put Rhys' stuff away yet, have you?" He reached out to touch her face, lifting her eyes to meet his. "You're still hoping he'll come back, too?"

Gwen was silent for a full minute. Ianto waited. Finally she shook her head no. "I don't think they're coming back, but as to putting all Rhys' personal effects away, I can't bring myself to do it," she admitted. "I called his parents, and they want to come and take it away with them. I don't want them going through our things."

Ianto put a hand to her chin and tipped her face up to see her eyes. "Let's try to do this together," he said. "You help me with Jack's, and I'll come and help you with Rhys's. We're both sad, aren't we? We can help each other."

She smiled at him. "You're a very perceptive man," she said.

"I try my best."

"Everything about Torchwood is going to have to change now." She smiled again. "We have too few people to do too many jobs. I know you make the best coffee in the world, but is that fulfilling for you? Has anyone ever asked you what you want to do? Would you mind working in the field?"

"Jack used to take me Weevil hunting with him, sometimes. But I think he only wanted to keep me safe." He sighed heavily. "I'm not helpless. I know I was only a researcher with Torchwood One, but I'm more than that."

"I know you are. I'd rather have you doing something you want to do. I could really use another field agent."

"So long as the coffee flows?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

She shook her head. "We can learn to make our own coffee. Were you trained on all the weapons?" She felt colour rise in her face, remembering her experiences with Jack on the firing range. When she looked up, Ianto was blushing too. "Sorry, silly question. Let's move on. From now on, you're with me when we go out."

"To keep me safe?" he asked.

"I'm hoping you'll keep me safe, too." She started pushing papers across the desk to Ianto. "Will you go through these and help me decide what to keep handy, and what we should file? And do you have any idea of how we reestablish communication with the government without going into too much detail about Jack's disappearance?"

Ianto neatened the stack of papers she had given him. He said, "There are protocols in the archives for just such an occurrence. I can pull the files for you tonight."

"Not tonight," she said. "Let's deal with Jack's desk tonight."

"And we'll start on your flat tomorrow evening?" he pressed.

She nodded. "Could do. It'll be easier if we do it together, yeah?"

"Yeah."

While they worked together to box up Jack's personal articles, Gwen asked Ianto, "Would you move upstairs and take over my workstation? I've been trying to come up with a way to take some of the pressure off you. I'm thinking that if you bring the archiving software online up here, anyone can follow your forms and enter data into the files."

Ianto paused, holding Jack's little tin box. "I'd like to do the initial descriptions of the artefacts, though. The system downstairs is well-established, anyone can file them, if they know the alphabet."

"Or, when we hire a new person for the tourist information centre," Gwen suggested, "you can teach them to do the logging the way you want it done and supervise rather than doing it." She considered an additional option, "Maybe you should do the hiring, since you invented the job."

He smiled. "Perhaps I'd still have time to make the morning coffee, then."

She held up her cup. "I'd be a fool to deny us all that pleasure."

He tucked the tin into the final box. He labelled it and loaded it onto a dolly. "I'll just settle these downstairs."

She stretched and sighed. "And then you should go home. It's been an exhausting day."

"And you?" he asked.

"Not just yet," she said.

"Would you like to have a drink?" he offered shyly, "and talk?"

They discovered that Tosh and Owen had quietly slipped out some time earlier, so Gwen and Ianto found some biscuits in the kitchen, and poured glasses of wine for themselves. They lowered the lights and sat in the softer chairs around the coffee table in the conference room.

Gwen took a really deep breath, and let herself relax for the first time in days. "That was a terrific load off my mind," Gwen said. "Getting that stuff put away somehow makes Jack's absence seem more final, and easier to accept."

Ianto nodded, and loosened his tie, opening the top button of his shirt. "I suppose it's time for me to start thinking like that."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. "Missing Jack?"


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Wait.  
4 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 2,003  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest ever Wait.

**Chapter 4—"It was **_**that**_** man."**

Ianto hesitated for a long moment. Gwen had noticed that he seemed to be more at ease in the Hub, now that he was being treated equally with the team. He had relaxed the mask of the 'faithful servant' that he seemed to put on when Owen teased him. The stigma that Owen had thrust upon him, that he was shagging the boss, was pointless now with Jack gone.

Ianto stood up and paced. "I was determined to get Jack to give me this job so I could help Lisa. I loved Lisa." He made a complete circuit of the room. "I would have done anything to help her," he said, obviously revisiting the anguish. "Then there was Jack, kissing me senseless minutes after holding a gun to my head. What is it about him?" He sank back into the chair across from Gwen.

Gwen nodded her agreement. "He's different."

"I had been flirting with him for weeks," Ianto admitted. "But it was only to keep Lisa safe, and prevent him from finding her downstairs, until I could figure out how to fix her." He drew a shuddering breath. "I know how to flirt. I just didn't know what to do when he called me on it.

"I had never been involved with a man before. Never even thought of it, but I found myself loving . . . loving him." He blushed deeply. "I've been trying to remember how it started," he said.

It was the longest speech Gwen had ever heard from Ianto. He had kept himself so closed to everyone but Jack. She felt privileged that he would open up to speak about his feelings with her. "Maybe it wasn't _a man,_ so much as it was _that_ man," Gwen suggested gently. "Jack is awfully hard to resist when he's after something."

Ianto sighed. "It seems like it was all a dream, now that he's not here. Dealing with . . . not just the pain of missing him, but getting past it . . . actually managing to get through it makes me feel like it wasn't real. But it was—real, I mean real at the time." A strangled sob escaped his lips. "Sorry."

Gwen leaned toward Ianto, and touched his knee. "There's no need to apologise," she said. "I'm dealing with the same kind of feelings. Rhys was everything to me, but I can't wait to get his things out of our flat. I left him there alive, and then he was gone. I'm angry with myself, too, for being such an insensitive . . . idiot. I'd rather obliterate him completely from my life than deal with the loss. I feel guilty, but this is the only way I can get on with it!" Tears rolled down Gwen's cheeks. "I'm so angry! I hate him for leaving! Jack, too!" She allowed her voice to soften.. "And I'm tired of being angry all the time."

Ianto put his hand on Gwen's. "I was starting to think that I loved him, but I don't know why I loved him. I felt betrayed when he up and left us like that. How do I deal with it?"

She sniffed back more tears. "That's the question, isn't it? What will you do?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I'm confused, lonely, empty. It's how I felt when Torchwood One was destroyed, but then I was trying to save Lisa." He smiled a small smile at her. "I could just throw myself into my work. There's always work to do."

She chuckled at him quoting Jack's 'work to do.' "Not the answer, Ianto. You need to have a life with people in it."

Ianto wiped his eyes with his handkerchief. "I'm trying to spend more time with my sister. Rhi's always been there for me, even when I tried to keep her out of my life. I'm getting to know her again, know her kids. Her husband, well, Johnny's a right guy." He laughed a little. "He never tried to turn her away from me, even after they found out about Jack."

Gwen drained her glass. "Let's call it a night."

Ianto got his coat from the rack, and headed for the cog door. "Coming?"

"Right behind you," Gwen assured him. "I've got to pick up something from the office. Night!"

She listened to be sure that Ianto was gone before she returned to Jack's _(her)_ office. She turned off all the lights but the desk lamp, and sat at the desk, working up her courage. Her conversation with Ianto had stirred all kinds of conflict within her. She thought she had managed to put all that guilt and misery into a box, like the artefacts on Jack's desk, and put it deeply away. Now the box was open, and she just couldn't bring herself to look into it again.

Finally, for the first time since Jack had disappeared, she allowed herself to climb down the hatch entrance to the bunker. Gwen turned down the covers of Jack's bed, and slipped between the sheets. She pressed her face against the pillow where he had slept, trying to catch some vestige of his scent, soft memories of him to comfort herself, and she teared up before she fell into a fitful sleep.

Gwen thought she was doing a fairly good job of hiding herself. She cried only at night, the nights she spent in Jack's bed in the bunker. But most of the time, she felt like she was falling apart. She had to shut her office door from time to time when it became too difficult to maintain her composure. She could barely concentrate on her work, but she concealed that, too, from everyone but Ianto.

Her goal was to present a determined, almost abrupt, presence in public. She dealt with the day-to-day work, read obsessively in the archives and logs to understand more fully Torchwood's contentious history, and how that affected the present scope of their job. She cursed Jack every day, for keeping so many secrets completely to himself, and she tried desperately to keep all the elements of the work moving smoothly. Ianto kept her confidences and became very protective of her. They were a good team, but both of them were used to playing through pain.

Climbing up from the bunker, Gwen was surprised to find herself face to face with Owen, come in early for a change. "Late night?" he asked, and she could only nod. "Come along with me while I make coffee," he invited. "Unless you've done that already?" He poured big cups for both of them, and they carried the coffee back to the couch in the bottom of the Hub.

"We really need to replace this shabby old thing," Gwen started.

Owen snorted. "Do you really think I asked you here to discuss the furniture?" He looked into her face. "You look like shite, Gwen. Do you ever go home anymore, or do you always sleep here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on," he said. "Are you going to tell me you just went down there for a minute, or to get some files? We all know you're sleeping here." Gwen's heart sank. She thought she had been doing a decent job of concealing that from the others. None of them had any reason to go down in the bunker, but she was careful to make it look as though Jack would return at any moment. She knew it was a crutch, but she didn't care.

"I don't want to go home anymore," she said, not bothering to hide her annoyance from Owen. "It's empty, and lonely, and . . ."

"Oh, and this is better," he said nastily. "It's so much better to stay here day and night and work yourself into exhaustion, is it?"

"There's _nothing_ for me there. We packed all of Rhys's things away, and all the photos, and the . . . the things that reminded me of him, and now . . ." She stood up. "Here, I have work to do. And so do you."

He pulled her back to sit close to him. "We've all been watching you wreck yourself; you don't eat properly, hell, none of us do. You probably don't get enough sleep. It's been half a year. They're not coming back, but that's not a good reason to destroy yourself. I'm your doctor, for god's sake. Why didn't you ask me for help?"

She drew herself away from him again. "I don't want your help. I don't need help, Owen. I'm fine. There's just so much to do."

"You're fine?" he said. "F, fucked up; I, insecure; N, neurotic; and E, emotional. Yes, you're _fine_. We're your friends, Gwen, but we're also your team. You depend on us, but we also depend on you. You're not Jack, but you're going to kill yourself trying to pretend that you are."

Gwen had heard Tosh come in with Ianto, and they must have overheard part of Owen's discussion with Gwen. They came over to the couch where Gwen was now sitting on the edge. "Owen is right," Tosh said. "We care about you. We miss Jack, but we don't want to lose Gwen, too."

Owen said, "Let's get together in your office in five minutes. It's time to have a serious talk about how we're going to help you out." Owen's answer to anything was generally stomping away, Gwen reflected, but that hadn't helped him yet either.

Gwen looked up at Tosh. "I suppose you're going to lecture me too?"

Tosh laughed and patted Gwen's head. "No, but I want you to come to mine tonight. We don't want you living in the Hub."

Ianto leaned down after Tosh left, and kissed Gwen's cheek. "Let us help you, Gwen. Remember, we're in this together." He pulled her to her feet, and tucked her hand into his crooked elbow. Lately, he had seemed considerably more comfortable in his actions, freer, letting his dry wit loose in the Hub. He walked her up to the coffee machine to get a refill before they went to Owen's meeting. They carried their cups into the conference room, and he shut the door so that they wouldn't be overheard.

"I've spent a lot of time thinking since our first talk. After Jack and Rhys both disappeared, you said, about Jack, 'It was _this_ man,' And that's what suddenly made it clear to me. It was Jack, you see, who was making you look insensitive where Rhys was concerned. There's something about Jack that made me, and you, too, _vibrate_. I thought I was jealous of the attention Jack paid to you, but it was actually your reaction to Jack's attention that I was resenting. Now I'm able to think more clearly."

Gwen sipped at her coffee and said, "It's like getting too close to a Catherine wheel. You want to get closer because of all the pretty colors, but you can't get too close or you'll get burned."

"Or broken," he continued. "You have to find a way to interrupt the cycle. I told you how confused I was after he left. I didn't know who I was anymore. I talked with Rhi, and she got to the heart of it. I'll tell you what's helped me a lot; more than I would have expected." He whispered a few words that were almost too soft for Gwen to catch.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Wait.  
5 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 2,003  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest ever Wait.

**Chapter 5— "A nicely tied tie makes Weevils nervous."**

Gwen smiled at Ianto. "You're dating? Men or women?"

"I've been going out with women, lots of women. Rhi said she never thought I was really gay. She'd met Lisa, she knew how serious we were. When she met Jack, she said she only wanted me to be happy, and she thought we might have a future together. After Jack . . disappeared, she asked me if I would be willing to get back to more of what I was before Jack . . , you know, interested in women, not men. I told her I'd be willing to give it a try."

Gwen blinked at him, "How did it go, then?"

He flashed a shy smile. "My sister immediately started serving up available women as a dessert course to her Sunday dinners. Every Sunday, regular as clockwork, a lovely young thing, who conveniently needed a ride home, shows up right after I arrive. Rhi has already signed me up for a date on Tuesday night with the week's candidate, sometimes a gallery opening, sometimes a movie. She tells the girls that I'm getting over a sudden breakup. I'm expected to let Rhi know how it goes. The kids are keeping score."

"Keeping score?" Gwen didn't know whether to be horrified or relieved. Ianto seemed to be taking this calmly, and she was happy to hear it.

""The kids are keeping track: is she dressed up when I go to pick her up; how long do we spend together; if we go to supper, does she offer to split the cost (she gets extra points if she does); does she have her own car; does she wear too much makeup; and the really big one, do I kiss her goodnight?" He grinned. "I'm sure Rhi has rather strictly forbade them from asking for more information."

"Any one special?"

"One," he admitted. "They've all been nice girls. It feels 'normal,' somehow. It wasn't like this with Jack. My dates with her are simple companionship. We go to the movies, to restaurants, for walks. It's not breathtaking, there's nary a Weevil in view." He stopped for a moment, swallowed hard, and his mood changed. "I'm different from who I was with Jack. But it's who I was with Lisa, before Jack." He flushed. "He never seemed to take me seriously, but I still feel like I'm betraying him somehow."

"You're not," Gwen touched his shoulder. "You don't have to be ashamed, Ianto. You are who you are. It doesn't mean you've betrayed him. People and times change. This is your real life. You've moved on. I wish I could find the way to do it."

"When the time is right for you, you'll find the way," he assured her. "Rhi did this for me, I'd have been stuck without her. I'd probably have been just waiting for Jack to come back."

Gwen felt a lurch deep in her heart. Like me, she thought, just waiting, hoping one of them will come back. Will I ever move on? She was silent, looking at Ianto's flushed young face. "You've made peace with yourself, then?"

He nodded. "It wasn't easy," he said. "But I think I'm doing the right thing. He's just so damned persuasive, and . . . attractive, like a magnet. Hard to resist, yeah?"

Gwen knew exactly what he was trying to say. "Yeah, hard to resist." She gestured at his black jeans and red shirt. "You're even dressing down these days."

"Yes, well, Tosh has been encouraging me. She said that there was no reason to wear a suit to work every day, especially out in the field. Apparently, a four-in-hand makes Weevils nervous." He cleared his throat. "It makes more sense to wear jeans if I'm going to be chasing around in the mud and the rain. My dry cleaning bills were ridiculous."

Gwen hugged Ianto tightly, holding back her own tears of longing. "I'm happy for you." She stood up. "We'd better get going. You know how Owen hates to be kept waiting."

After Jack and Rhys disappeared, Ianto had watched Owen nurse his sullen mood for weeks. Owen began to regress to the feelings of the neglected child he had been, and his attitude made working in the Hub tense. Never mind that he had grown past that years before. Guts and ambition had gotten him through medical school, had secured him a great job, a wonderful fiancée _(poor doomed Katie)_, and finally Jack had rescued him by hiring him for this job at Torchwood. But now it didn't make a whit of difference. Diane had left him just when it looked like he might have had a future with her. He felt hugely rejected and unlovable. He was a lost soul again. Tosh and Ianto watched his descent with some alarm. Drinking was the only thing that made him forget how belittled he felt. It made him feel grand and superior. It also got him into vicious bar fights.

After he'd gotten too drunk to get himself home the first time, he had called the Hub for someone to get him out of jail. Ianto had taken Tosh with him, and they bailed him out and took him home. After the second time, and the third time, Ianto put a card into Owen's wallet, and the barkeeps at Owen's regular pubs were pleased to call Ianto rather than the police when Owen couldn't manage himself.

Ianto wasn't so pleased. Ianto was retrieving Owen for the fourth time that particular week, and as he stripped Owen of his vomit-covered clothes, washed him down in a cold shower, and poured him into his bed, Ianto thought that maybe Owen was just sober enough for a talking-to. "You have to stop this," he said sternly. "It's not getting you anywhere. I'm getting pretty tired of fetching you home in the middle of the night."

"Where's Tosh?" Owen slurred. "She lets me do what I want." He peered groggily at Ianto. "Really, I owe you a great whack of thanks for coming to get me . . ."

"Tosh is sick and tired of it, too," Ianto told him angrily. "She's upset at what you're doing to yourself, and being hung over most of the time isn't doing any favors to Gwen, either."

Owen waved away the comment. "I do okay," he insisted.

"No, you don't," Ianto insisted. "Look at yourself. You stink of vomit, you can't lie on the floor without holding on, and you're going to do the same thing all over again tonight."

Owen's face screwed up. "I'm not good for anything else," he pleaded. "Nobody wants to be around me. I'm just fucked up."

Ianto pushed Owen into his bed, and pulled the duvet over him abruptly. "You're wrong about that, Owen. We all want you to be with us, _but really with us._ You've been a walking disaster since Diane left, and you've gotten worse since Jack disappeared. You have to get hold of yourself and grow up."

Then the worst thing that Ianto could imagine happened. Owen started to cry—hoarse sobs. Ianto was stunned. He knelt by the side of the bed and Owen turned away, embarrassed. "We're all having a hard time, Owen. But you're making it a lot harder for all of us." Ianto really wished that Tosh had come along. He got up, sat on the edge of the bed, and put his arms around Owen's shoulders. It was easier than he thought. "Owen, hold on, I care about you. I really do."

Owen wrapped his arms tightly around himself, but he didn't struggle, letting Ianto hold him. Finally, he sniffed deeply a few times, and managed to stop sobbing. "I'm all right now, . . . Ianto," he choked out. "I'm sorry for all of it. I just can't seem to find my place."

"You have a place, Owen, for god's sake, can't you see it? But you're going to lose it if you don't straighten yourself out. Gwen's been tearing her hair out trying to find a way to help you, but you just go bulling through anyone who tries to be nice to you."

"I owe you an apology, then, I think."

Ianto nodded. "You do, yeah."

"And Gwen." Ianto nodded again. "And Tosh," Owen added finally.

"Especially Tosh. Or are you really as dense as you pretend to be?"

Owen squinted at Ianto. "Huh?""

Ianto just shook his head. "You'll see it. Look, sleep it off, and try to get into the Hub tomorrow while it's still morning."


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Wait.  
6 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,528  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait.

**Chapter 6—"I have something important to say."**

Gwen saw a shamefaced Owen showing up to work the next morning at 11:30. She saw Ianto nod approvingly when Owen came past his workstation. Owen looked up to meet Gwen's eyes, and made his way directly to her office. He sank into the chair in front of her desk. "I need to talk with you. I've been ten kinds of fool," he began.

Gwen focused on his shaking hands. "In many ways," she agreed. "What do you think should happen next?"

"I'd like to make amends. I'll try very hard not to disappoint you again. I will show up for work and do my work without complaint."

She chuckled. "That'd be novel." She came around the desk and put her hands on his shoulders. "Just come back to us in one piece, Owen. We know how to deal with the crotchety, crabby snark you've always been."

"I'm going to try to be better," he corrected her. "I think you've all put up with me for long enough. I know I've been a right prat."

"Yeah." She nodded her agreement. "But you don't have to change for us."

"No, I think I do." He paused, and she could see he was trying to think of exactly how to phrase his apologies. "I've been cross and cruel to you, insensitive and insulting to Ianto, and I really don't know why Tosh hasn't just booby-trapped my keyboard yet."

"It would make it easier if you could try being kinder to them," Gwen suggested, "but we just want you back."

"In that case," he said tightly, "consider me back." He looked around her _(Jack's) _office, "I love what you've done with the place."

Gwen kissed his cheek. "We all miss him."

Toshiko was hard at work when Owen came up to her side. "Toshiko," he began.

"Not now, Owen," she snapped, "I'm working. I don't have time for games with you."

He turned away and went down to the medical lab. Clattering was heard from the bay but something had changed. Owen returned to Tosh's workstation. "Please," he said. "I have something important to say."

Something in his tone caught her attention and made her turn around. "Owen?"

"I have to apologise to you," he began haltingly, "for, oh, years of ignoring and insulting you. I've been horrible, and I hope you can forgive me." He stood silently awaiting her answer.

"Oh," she said. Then she turned back to her keyboard, "okay."

He walked away, shaking his head. As he passed Ianto's desk, Ianto murmured, _"Rome wasn't built in a day."_

When Owen was gone, Tosh turned to Ianto. "Where did that come from?"

He stepped closer to her so he could keep his voice down, "I was rather rough on him last night, and he seems to have heard at least some of it."

Tosh made a face of disapproval. "Last night? Again?" She repositioned herself in her chair. "Well, if he thinks that a few guilty words of apology will make up for all the shite he's put us through, he better think again." Ianto lifted an eyebrow. "What, you think I should take him at face value?" she asked.

"You could try. Isn't that what you've been trying to tell me about Jack? That each of us does the best we can, determined by who we are, and what we've learned. I think Owen's had a hard lesson. It wouldn't hurt to reinforce that he might have made a good decision for once."

Tosh nodded. "You're right, I have to put my money where my mouth is, don't I? It won't hurt to make him sweat a bit, though, will it?"

Tosh made Owen wait a full week before accepting his tentative offer of a lunch date, but they returned from the lunch laughing together.

Gwen thought that finally, morale was rising in the Hub. For her and Ianto, the work was still hard, and sometimes confusing, but they had the most pieces to pick up and the least guidance. She felt that Ianto was content with the changes he had made in his life outside of Torchwood, and drew on him to help her stay on top of the never-ending paper storm that was now her responsibility. She noticed Tosh moved with a lighter step, and general flirtatiousness, as she began to develop her new relationship with Owen. Owen, curiously, seemed to have improved his own life, cut out the wild drinking binges, and appeared to be, if not quite devoted to Tosh, at least trying to give her more attention, and both of them were thriving.

Weevils kept crawling up out of the sewers; interstellar detritus fell through the Rift, and occasionally they found something they would be able to work with; Torchwood's relationship with the Cardiff police was easier, now that one of their own was in charge _(even if she had been only a PC)_; U.N.I.T. found it easier to deal with Gwen than it had with Jack _(she worried about that, was she allowing them to push her around?)_.

Gwen felt like she was drowning. Life seemed to have improved for all of them, but not for her. Some vital spark had disappeared from her life, and whether it was the loss of Rhys, or the loss of Jack, she couldn't seem to work through it. The pressures on her were unrelenting, and she went to the meeting with Owen in her own office with some trepidation.

Owen invited Gwen to sit on a chair near the great round window, and he stood by the doorway and gestured for Ianto and Tosh to join them. He had arrayed four chairs in an circle, including hers.

"Urm . . . this is an intervention," he announced.

Gwen rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated sigh, "I don't really have time for this, Owen."

"You have to make time for this. _This_ isn't working for all of us. You're doing a great job, Gwen, but it's taking its toll on you. You have to deal with the big-picture items, we can help with the minutiae. I'm certainly underutilised here, and Ianto is handling far too many in-house jobs. We're a person short, and we have to reorganise a bit."

"I've been talking about hiring someone," Gwen started to say.

"We do have to hire someone," Tosh agreed. "Ianto's been in the field for five months. We need an admin to free him from his other work."

"Yes," Gwen said wearily, "an archivist, and a clerk for the tourist centre, and . . . "

Gwen continued, "I don't know how we're going to pay a new person. The budget for this year is exhausted. We were wasting Ianto's talents in admin, but he's had to cover both jobs for too long. We need to hire and train someone to replace him in house."

"Fewer late nights hauling Owen out of pubs will be helpful for me personally, but it doesn't solve our biggest problem, which is to take some of the pressure off you," Ianto said.

"Everyone is already maxed out. How can I ask you to do more?" Gwen said.

Ianto raised his hand. "I did most of the paperwork for Jack. It's just a lot of forms and filing, and there's no reason why you shouldn't turn that over to me again."

"You already have too much going on," Gwen protested. "I can't."

Tosh spoke up. "I can help with Ianto's archives," she offered. "And we can just leave the tourist information centre closed for the winter."

Gwen was still fretful.

"I don't see any way we can do it without hiring," Gwen said wearily.

"We could get by with a clerk for a while, can't we?" Ianto said, "I have a friend who might be available. She's brilliant, and she used to work in the PM's office."

"What do we pay her with, Jammy Dodgers?"

Owen spoke up. "Let's hire her first, overrun the budget, and worry about explaining it later." He turned to face Gwen. "We have some absolute demands for you, Fearless Leader. Ianto."

Ianto said, "We've talked it over, and decided you're not to stay in the bunker any more. If you don't want to go home, you have to come home with one of us. We all have extra space, and it'll be better for you in the long run and the short run."

Owen said, "You need to get more rest and more sleep. I'll give you a scrip to help with that. If you're going to be our leader, we need you sane and in charge."


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Wait.  
7 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,257  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait.

**Chapter 7—"I knew it would end badly."**

Tosh took Gwen home with her that night, and opened a bottle of wine. They both got thoroughly tipsy, laughed hard, and ended up talking frankly about things that had gone unspoken for months. Gwen knew how long gentle Tosh had been pining for Owen, desperately wishing for his attention, and it wasn't until the early hours of the morning that she felt strong enough to discuss her brief affair with Owen.

Toshiko nodded. "I knew about it right after it started, you know, the alien pendant. I could hear you so clearly. But I knew that it would end badly. You were so much in love with Rhys."

"So much that I . . ." Gwen choked, and stopped speaking. Her voice went soft, "I couldn't even ask Rhys to forgive me." She turned to Tosh, "I betrayed you. I was just selfish . . ." She started to cry, "And he wasn't even who I really wanted . . ."

Tosh wrapped Gwen in her arms. "I knew that, too. But, Gwen, it looked to the rest of us as though Ianto was the person Jack was pursuing."

Gwen bit back her first response, and shook her head. "No. I didn't just imagine the attraction between us," she finally said. "I could feel it." She clenched her fists. "He hinted at it, he flirted, and he teased me, and he lured me into thinking . . ." she swallowed hard "that there was something there for us, just out of my reach."

"You had Rhys," Tosh reminded her. "Jack always said he wanted so much for you to have a normal life. None of us could pull it off, but you had Rhys to go home to."

"I treated Rhys so badly, for all the wrong reasons. How could I have done that to him? None of it was his fault, and now I can't even apologise, or explain . . ." She rubbed her eyes. "I told Rhys about Owen, then I retconned him. But I still . . ." Gwen pulled back, "Rhys is gone, why am I missing Jack?" She started to cry again.

"We don't know that either of them will be back." Tosh said. "You have to face that."

"Makes it easier for me, doesn't it?" Gwen said bitterly.

"I am sure it doesn't," Tosh observed quietly.

Gwen covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh, god, if Rhys did come back, would he be changed by the Rift? I couldn't handle that . . ."

Tosh tried to soothe her. "We don't know enough to predict what might happen, Gwen."

Gwen tried to calm herself, but ended up keening hysterically, despite Tosh's best efforts. They rocked together on the couch until Gwen subsided, and Tosh was able to get her to bed. "I'm always here if you want to talk something out," she soothed.

"No," Gwen said. "I'm not letting this go any further. I'm done now. I'll be okay."

And things at the Hub did get better for a time. Gwen tried to impose her authority with more tact than Jack had, but the team was working together again. She still felt not-quite-capable to be completely in charge, and she did make a few mistakes, but Jack had been far from a perfect boss. It took her a long time to iron out the changes, but eventually the team was working together seamlessly.

Until Jack came back.

In the end, it was Jack who returned, unchanged.

Jack _hadn't_ been taken by the Rift, he had gone off by himself, willingly, he admitted to Gwen. He charmingly avoided everyone's questions, refused to say where he had been, or what he had been doing, but seemed to expect to return as the team's leader. Gwen wasn't about to give in easily, and Jack suggested that a struggle for dominance might best be settled with naked mud wrestling.

Gwen was the first to snap at his cockiness. She pushed Jack hard against a wall in the Hub, and started screaming at him. "You left us, Jack! We needed you!"

Jack briefly recalled the last time his team had stood arrayed against him, hoping he wouldn't end up on the Hub floor, dead. He grinned at them. "But I'm back now. And I won't do that again," he promised.

"How can we trust you?" Gwen asked.

Owen, Tosh, Ianto, and the new clerk, Lois somebody, all stood behind Gwen, and Jack realised that he was going to have to win Gwen's approval, and the others would follow her lead. "I guess we need to talk this through," he admitted. "Let's go upstairs," but as he followed Gwen up the stairs, he looked back at the others with a wink.

When they were inside the conference room, he slammed closed the doors at both ends of the room with unfeigned anger. Gwen took the seat at the head of the conference table.

"That's my seat," he growled, standing over her. But he was still smiling, hoping she would see the humour of it. She didn't.

"Not anymore," she retorted. "You gave it up."

"I had to leave in a hurry, I couldn't take time to explain," he said. "You don't know what I went through."

"I had a good idea," she spat back. "I was the one who sat with your body, willing you back to life."

He sat down in the seat next to her. "It was more than that. I needed my Doctor."

"Did your Doctor fix you, Jack? Are you any different now?"

He pushed back from the table and turned away from her. "I'm very different. I've changed over many lifetimes."

"It's only been a few months," she pointed out in a firm voice.

"It was much more than that for me, well over a year," he said sadly. "I died every day and was dragged back to life, just to be tortured to death again. . . ." he caught his breath.

"Jack," she scoffed, "enough with the hyperbole. Either tell me the truth, or shut it."

"It is the truth, I swear. I can't say any more."

"What about Ianto? What story are you telling him?" Gwen was rigid with anger.

Jack stared daggers back at her. "That's not your business."

"No," she said. "It's Ianto's business, but I will not allow _even you_ to destroy a member of my team."

He strode across the room to the liquor tray, picked up a glass, but whirled back to face her angrily. "What?"

"My team," she insisted, keeping her voice level. "What right do you have to come back in here and expect to take over as if nothing had happened?"

Jack pitched the crystal glass at the wall behind Gwen with such force that it shattered messily all over the floor, but Gwen didn't flinch. He strode back to tower over her at the conference table. "I didn't come back to take over again, I came back for you!"


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Wait.  
8 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,482  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait.

**Chapter 8—"Do you think that nothing changes?"**

"What made you think I'd be here waiting for you? And what did you plan to do about Rhys?" she challenged Jack.

"Yeah," he said, relaxing a bit, "How is Rhys?"

"The Rift took him."

"What?"

" 'What?' " Gwen mocked his disbelief. "Do you think that nothing changes if you don't change it?"

"When?"

"At the same time that you disappeared. We thought that the Rift had taken you both. You haven't a clue what it was like around here after you left." She shifted angrily in her seat. "We had to make everything up as we went along, on our own."

Jack sat down at her side. "I couldn't have known that would happen."

"No one could have. But it did. Rhys is gone. I don't think he's coming back. Not the same, at least." Jack reached for her hand, but she pulled away from him. "Don't you touch me," she hissed.

"I'm sorry," he said.

She blinked back a tear. "Me too." She was silent for a while, looking down at the table. He moved to the back of the room, poured a whiskey for each of them, and brought it back to her. She looked up when he placed it in front of her.

"I think we should start this discussion all over again. What's been going on since I left?"

Gwen shrugged. "We managed." She sat back in her chair. "There were a lot of rocky moments, but life goes on. We worked together to keep Torchwood active and Cardiff safe. Same old, same old."

"You look different somehow. You've changed," he told her. "But I guess grief can do that to a person."

"Grief and loss are tremendous levellers." She tapped the tabletop. "You're going to have to tell us something, if you expect us to trust you again. Where did you go?"

He looked across the room with a thousand-yard stare. Finally, he spoke. "I went to the end of the universe, sent the last of humanity into space, was trapped by an insane Time Lord, died a thousand deaths, helped to save the world. Ate a lot of cold, mashed swedes. Same old, same old."

Gwen made a small motion with her hand on the table, drawing the infinity sign. She watched him, tried to ignore the effort he was making to center himself. He looked back at her face.

"So you still won't explain?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I can't. It never happened for you."

She held on to her anger, even in face of his utter sadness. "You said it was over a year?" she asked.

He sat down next to her. "Yes."

"How can that be?"

"You know that time is fluid," he explained, "Time moved differently for you than it did for me. When I left here, it was because I knew the Doctor was nearby and I was desperate for him to fix me." He took a deep breath. "Instead, the Master tried to destroy the Earth. The Doctor stopped him."

"That's all you can tell me? Who is the Master? 'The Doctor stopped him'? What about you? Where were you in all this?"

"I was helpless for most of that time."

"You, helpless?" she scoffed. She looked at him closely.

He pushed the whiskey towards her. "The Master said I was a freak. He kept me imprisoned so that I couldn't help with the rebellion." He took a sip from his own glass. "And he killed me every day—as many different ways as he could think of—and he was completely insane." He finished the liquor. "The Doctor saved us all in the end, even if you'll never know it. "

She pushed her untouched glass back towards Jack. "And how did he do that?"

"By being the Doctor. We knew nothing of what was going on in your world. I only knew I had to come back to _you_. I was kept in complete darkness much of the time, terribly alone, and I found that only thinking about you kept me alive. You: the thought, _just the thought,_ of seeing, touching, holding you . . ."

He drained the second glass of whiskey, and set it back on the table quietly. "I could only hope that I would get here . . ." He reached for her ringless hand again, and she let him take it. "If you had married Rhys, I would have tried anything to take you from him. I _need_ you . . ."

"For what? For how long? Would you discard me as you've evidently have done to Ianto?" she asked, deliberately provoking him.

"I can't change what I am, Gwen." He was unusually quiet.

"I'm sorry," she said, not feeling sorry at all, "I suppose you think I'm being cruel. What if you decide you need to run away again, after this Doctor, or something else? Or _someone_ else?"

"I hope you will come with me." He stood up and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her waist, holding her close with a satisfied sigh. "The places I could show you . . ."

"What about Torchwood? What about Cardiff?"

Hw made a dismissive move with one hand. "I've given most of my life to Torchwood. When it's staffed up again, I want to take you and get away from here," he sighed. "I'm talking about the future, our future."

She untangled herself from him and sat down. "I don't think I can talk about the future yet, with you or anyone else."

"When will you be ready?" he asked.

"I don't know. I have to think." She stood up again and paced around the table to the door. Her hand was shaking as she reached for the button opener on the wall.

With one long stride, he was close behind her, holding her shoulders with both hands. "Gwen, I've apologised, I don't know what else you require in order to forgive me. I need you by my side." He sounded desperate, Gwen thought. That was a new facet of Jack. He had never been desperate before. She suspected it was just a new tool he had picked up, and was trying out on her.

"Oh, come on, Jack," she said, her simmering anger suddenly flaring, "you don't _need_ me, you can always find someone."

He turned her around, and pushed her up against the wall, holding her there with the pressure of his body against hers. "I don't want _someone_, I want you."

Her lips were just inches from his. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. "Do you always get what you want?"

"No, but now I have hope, something I haven't had for a very long time. Please."

Gwen watched his sad eyes moisten, and something twisted in her belly. She closed the distance between them to put a chaste kiss on his lips. "Let me go, Jack. I've been so angry with you for so long, it's hard to stop." She pushed him away and moved back to sit at the table again.

He sat down next to her, both of them avoiding the head of the table. "I can't say it more plainly."

"I've been mourning," She pounded her hand against the table for emphasis at each word, "for you, Jack. Rhys was snatched away, but _I have been mourning you!" _She shook her head, "I had almost figured out my life. Now I don't know which way is up. Am I in charge, or are you?"

"Is that important to you, who's in charge?"

"It's one of the few definite things in the world right now." She snorted. "Is it important to you?"

"You've held it together, improved it . . ." he admitted. "I thought you were completely committed to continuing."

"You don't know what I've done," she interrupted him. "So don't try to flatter me. The team kept it together, we all worked on it. This job . . . It's not so hard if you have all the information at hand, which you always did."

"Yes."

"I still do not. You do it," she said. "I don't want it."

He chuckled, breaking the tension. "Okay, so that's settled then. Damn shame not to have the naked mud wrestling, though."

"You'd cheat, and you know it."


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Wait.  
9 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,482  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait.

**Chapter 9—"I don't do moonlight and roses."**

Jack leaned in closer to Gwen where she sat. "What have you decided about me?" He reached out to take her hand again.

She pulled her hand back again. "I should just fall into your arms? Like hell I will. Damn it, Jack!"

"I don't do moonlight and roses," he said. "You must know that about me by now."

"Oh my god," she exclaimed. "Did all that time alone teach you nothing? First, make me your friend again. I'd like a few of those walks down to the end of the quay just to look at the bay. Watching the sun come up. Watching the city lights turn on at the end of the day."

"Catching Weevils in the back alleys," he continued for her, "scavenging for alien technology?"

She shivered. "Yeah, that's the idea."

"So you'll think about it?"

"I'll think about it." She stood up, and he caught her in his arms. "We should get back out there. They're probably wondering what's going on." She put her hand on his shoulder. "You'll have to talk with Ianto."

He turned his head to kiss the top of her hand. "I spent a few hours with him yesterday evening. We talked, really talked. I apologised to him, begged his forgiveness. He told me that he had worked it through for himself. He's going to introduce me to his girlfriend." Gwen thought she detected a hint of sadness in his voice. She was perversely glad to hear it.

"And you're not going to hit on her?" she asked him wryly.

"I'm just going to say hello, I swear it."

She shook her head. "It's like breathing for you, isn't it?" His only response was a wide grin. She stopped him from opening the door. "I have only one request. Let's let our new relationship develop slowly, and please, let's try to keep it quiet in front of the team."

"You honestly think they won't notice? You're an open book," he accused.

"Me? What about that self-satisfied smile you go around wearing?"

"I'm a master of misdirection," Jack insisted.

"No way. And anyway, _nothing_ is happening yet. And maybe nothing will happen. We have to let this evolve. Don't assume you have changed my mind."

"Take as much time as you need. Regular work in the Hub."

Gwen nodded.

"And we can 'date'?" he asked.

"What do you mean, 'date'?"

"You know, walks down to the bay, watching the sun come up, like that?"

Gwen had to laugh out loud. "I guess for you, that's subtle."

Jack hugged her hard enough to make her breathless. "It's as subtle as I can be."

She caught her breath and kissed him back just one more time before she opened the door. As they came down the stairs together, Owen, Tosh, Lois, and Ianto pretended that they were working, and hadn't been waiting to hear the outcome of the meeting.

"Hi, kids." Jack spread his arms. "It looks like I'm coming home, after all."

"You're really back!" Tosh asked. She looked at Gwen for a reaction, but Gwen was just smiling.

"Ianto," Jack said. "There's broken glass against the back wall of the conference room. And we need to replace one of the double old-fashioned glasses."

Ianto grinned. "Yes, sir. Right away, sir."

"Do it tomorrow." Jack beckoned, "Gwen, can I see you in my office for a more complete update?" He made shooing motions with his hands. "The rest of you, go home, it's getting late. Bright and early tomorrow, ok?"

After they heard, and double-checked, that the others were really gone, Gwen followed him to her _(his) _office. She took the chair behind the desk, and carefully kept the desk between them. She consulted her diary, flipping pages back and forth, and tried to give him more details about what had been happening since he disappeared, but he kept staring at her with a knowing smile on his face.

She found it disconcerting. "I can't talk while you're looking at me like that."

"Too bad. I'm afraid you're going to have to get used to it. C'mon, Gwen . . ." he pleaded.

"No, and stop it," she said. "I'll need a few hours tomorrow to get my stuff out of here. Ianto and I will convert that space over there to another office for me. I'll ask Ianto to bring your boxes back up from the archives, and you can move back into your office, except for the bunker, it's a storeroom now."

Jack slipped around the desk as she was talking, and captured her waist with his hands, turning her to face him. Their arms tightened around each other as they tried to make up for all the time they had lost, frenzied with the pent-up need. He lowered his head to kiss her neck, then licked her throat, and continued licking down into the crease between her breasts.

Gwen put her hands on both sides of his head and brought his lips up to hers. She opened her lips and let his tongue in. Gwen pulled away for a quick breath. "This can get kinda messy, huh?" Jack observed.

He reached to undo the buttons on her blouse, but she stopped him. She cleared her throat a bit, and continued in a calm tone. "We've changed some of the operating procedures around here; Ianto's a field agent now. Lois Habiba is our new clerk, and Ianto has been training her on how the archiving system works. She started six weeks ago, and you're going to have to find some money in the budget to pay her."

She pulled out of his embrace and picked up her coat and hat from the rack. "That's it for me tonight. I'm going home."

He winked at her. "Good night."


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Wait.  
10 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,062  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait. Chapter 10—"Mind if I get comfortable?"

When she arrived home, Gwen spent some time in her flat, dusting and generally cleaning up. She hadn't been there much in the past few weeks, and although it was tidy, there was an air of neglect. She found the bits of housework calming after the scene in Jack's office, but she noticed that she still felt a bit shaky. She put water on to boil for tea, and stood in front of the open refrigerator, looking for something to eat.

Her doorbell rang, but she ignored it. It rang again, more insistently. "Oh, for god's sake," she exclaimed. She pressed the intercom button by the door, "who is it?"

"It's Jack, let me in, would you? It's freezing out here."

She sighed heavily, pressed the release button, and opened the door. Jack bounded up the stairs, his arms laden with takeaway bags. "I thought you might not want to cook tonight."

She took the bags from him. "I do not want to cook tonight, I can't cook tonight, there's nothing in my fridge that isn't covered with mould." She started taking cartons out of the bags. "Just how hungry are you, Jack? There's enough here to feed an army. Not even a small army."

"Are you complaining? I love it when you complain." He shucked his coat, dropping it on a chair, and flopped down on the couch. "Maybe I thought it might last us a few days."

"What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "What? I brought you dinner. Mind if I get comfortable?"

Gwen brought dishes and the cartons into the living room and put it all on the coffee table. She handed Jack a pair of chopsticks, and sat primly next to him, but deliberately not too close. "I'm sure you'll please yourself," she said. "Now tell me, really, why are you here?"

He let his gaze roam around the room. "You've made some changes, I see."

"Ianto helped. He has quite a discerning eye." She opened a carton and took a small bite. "So you're still determined not to answer questions?"

He put his arms on the back of the couch. "I think one should never have to discuss the obvious.

She gave up the pretense of eating, and sat back on the couch. "Let's see. You're impetuous and heedless."

He made a rolling motion with his hand. "And from this you infer . . ."

"That you have no intention of giving me even one moment more time to think."

He pointed at her with one hand and tapped his nose with the other. "She gets it in one! Give the girl a prize."

"And you're the prize?"

He moved closer to her on the couch, and drew her close. His expression turned more serious, and he brushed her hair back from her face. "You said you had been mourning me for six months. I've been yearning for you over a year. You shouldn't have to wait any longer. I don't want to wait any longer." He kissed her cheek, and then moved to kiss her lips.

She didn't even close her eyes. He pulled back. "I'm sensing resistance," he said.

Gwen sat perfectly still. Then she pointed at him with one hand, and tapped her nose with the other. "He gets it in one."

Jack released her and moved to the other end of the couch. "Then what was that in the office all about?"

"Jack, I couldn't help that. But I didn't expect to have you follow me home."

"I just brought you dinner," he protested.

"And I'm the pudding?"

He stared at her. "Let's start again. It's just dinner."

She moved to another seat and picked up her chopsticks. "Okay, dine, then."

He sat back on the couch and sighed heavily. "Actually, I wanted to talk with you tonight. Not in the Hub," he pointed out. "It's about Ianto."

"Jack . . ." she warned.

"No," he said, holding up a hand to forestall her tirade. "I wanted to tell you more of what happened when I talked with him last night." He pressed his lips together, apparently unsure of how to begin. When he finally started to talk, he looked away from her.

"I asked if I could see him alone, and he agreed, but he wanted to meet in a restaurant, neutral ground. I wanted to gently let him know that I was . . . not here to resume our relationship. Gwen, I do love him, and I always will, but I want to have a different kind of life with you. It only seemed fair to tell him outright."

He drew a deep breath before he continued. "The little bugger beat me to it! He said it had been fun, but it was, after all, just a way of passing the time, and he had moved on. He said he'd thought it through, and he really wanted a wife, and a family."

"Oh, Jack," Gwen moaned, trying to keep from smiling.

"And then he kissed me, _on the forehead,_ and went on to tell me about how his sister had been introducing girls to him and how much fun he had dating them."

She couldn't tell if he was amused or upset. "Did he tell you about the score card?"

"You knew about this?" Jack's face flushed.

"Well, yes." She put a sympathetic hand on his. "His sister was just trying to help him fill in the blanks. He made his own decision. I know he will always treasure you, and the time you were together." She was shocked to discover that he actually was upset. "Jack, we didn't know if you were ever coming back. Can't you find it in your heart to be happy for him?"

He made a little grimace. "Yeah, I know that's the right thing to do."


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Wait.  
11 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,062  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait.

**Chapter 11—"No, really, what's stopping you?"**

Gwen moved over to sit close by Jack again. "You are such a softy!"

He bristled at that. "You'll want to be careful about calling me names like that!"

"Ianto had a very hard couple of years with Torchwood, and we're all glad for him to have found a way to be happy on his own." She regarded Jack with some amusement, "Don't be too hurt by Ianto's change of heart. I would imagine that he was trying to make it easier on you."

Jack snorted. "Yes, I'm sure he was. But still," he continued. "I wanted . . ."

"You wanted to be the one to dump him?"

He reddened. "No, I thought it was only honourable to let him know before I came and threw myself at your feet, but, yes, I was a little surprised . . . I thought, he's young, he'll bounce back from this, but I was shocked to see that not only had he bounced back, but he was actually settled quite happily into this new way of life. I felt like crap."

"This isn't a new way of life for him, Jack. _You_ were the new way for him. He may be young, but he's not stupid or easily led, except when it's a force of nature like you. You know what you do to people." She shook her head. "That boy didn't know how to have sex without falling in love. Once you were gone, he found himself more comfortable back in the life he knew better."

"I didn't force him. Please tell me I didn't force him. It was a game," he looked worried.

She took a long look at him. "You were both playing a game, but you had different goals in mind. His was to save Lisa."

"But after that," he said quietly, "I didn't push him."

"He didn't have much confidence left after Lisa; your attention was flattering, and unconventional, and he reveled in it. But Ianto fell in love with you, and you know how unreasoning love can be."

"Is that why you don't trust me now?"

"No, but you can be a little overwhelming. I haven't seen any evidence of faithfulness in you, especially when there's sex available."

"I have been faithful," he defended himself. "Several times." He seemed lost in reverie. "I've even been married, is that what you want?"

She shook her head. "We're talking about you and Ianto, not me."

"Well, I'm happy for him. I am," he protested.

She grinned at him. "You've gone through all the stages of grief, and survived, and you're willing to let Ianto go. I'm so proud of you. Now shall I rip your clothes off and have my way with you?"

Jack's eyes lit up. "What's stopping you?" He put his arms around her, and pulled her closer. "No, really, what's stopping you?" She shrieked as he tickled her sides, and they rolled off the couch onto the floor. "What's all this talk about waiting? You want me, you know you do."

"Yes, yes," she screamed. "I _do_ want you. Stop tickling me!"

He let her beg for another minute and then he picked her up off the floor. "Get your coat," he directed. "We're going out."

"What for? You said it was freezing out there tonight." She went to the closet to get a coat and gloves. Jack slipped into his coat, and held hers for her. Gwen handed her scarf to him and he tucked it carefully around her neck and buttoned her coat up to her throat while she pulled on her gloves. She put on a beret. When they came out onto the street, it was snowing gently. "Now what?" she demanded, as they almost slipped coming down the steps.

"We're going to stroll in the falling snow," he said, putting his right arm behind her back as they set off down the street. There was no wind, and the snow drifted straight down, hushing the ambient sound of the street.

They walked without talking for a block or so, and she was warmly comforted by the feel of his arm at her waist. When she made a misstep, he caught her and kept her from slipping in the soft snow. They changed positions to walk hand-in-hand. He pressed her gloved hand gently. "So now you're taking this wooing stuff seriously?" she asked.

Jack spoke softly, his voice quiet in the falling snow. "I am. I've changed, I told you."

"No, you haven't!" she insisted. "You still want what you want _when_ you want it."

"I do," he said with a wicked grin. "What I meant was, it will please me to please you, and I figured if I keep you out here until you're freezing your arse off, you'll want me to help you warm up again. And then I stand a better than average chance of getting to _pleeeease_ you."

She laughed until she almost fell down in the street. "Great plan, my Captain, but can't you see the flaw?"

He stopped under a streetlamp. "A flaw? In _my_ plan?"

She stopped laughing suddenly. "All I asked is that you give me some time to think, then you still show up at my door, all grins and Chinese food, pushing me, pushing me . . ." Gwen stopped talking suddenly. "You're taking advantage of me."

"How?" Jack asked. "After that moment in the office? _You filled my home with boxes._ How am I taking advantage of you?"

"Because," she said, turning to him, and touching his cheek. "You know how much I want you. Have always," she amended. Her eyes filled with tears. "What if Rhys comes back?"

He leaned close to her. "Gwen, listen to me." He touched her cheeks with his hands. Even after walking in the snow without gloves, his hands were as warm as ever. "Rhys is not going to come back. Not after all this time. We don't know everything about the Rift, but we do know this: if he had been returned soon after he was taken, he'd be a different person. If he had any way to bring himself back, he'd be here. But there's been no sign that he has come back. I asked Toshiko. I asked U.N.I.T. I checked for myself."

Gwen nodded. "For the first few months, I searched every day." She shook her head, "I still can't believe it really happened."

"What will it take to make it real for you?" Jack asked.

"Oh, it's real enough for me, I've come to understand that Rhys won't be back, ever. That's not my problem. You're my problem." They had paused in the dark space between two streetlights. She pulled back far enough to undo the buttons on his coat, and slipped her arms inside, around his waist, holding him tightly, pressing her ear against his chest to listen to the comforting beat of his heart. "If I thought . . ." she began.

"What?" he whispered.

"If I _believed_ . . . I could count on you."

He hugged her tight, tucking her head under his chin. "I can only promise that I won't be leaving without you." He kissed the top of her head. "I promise you."

Gwen sniffled. "But . . ."

"Where is this self-doubt coming from, Gwen? You faced me down in the conference room this afternoon! You held the team together for a long time, all by yourself. There's nothing weak about you." He ran his hands down her back, brushing the snow from her coat.

"I had the team behind me all the way," she protested. "I didn't do it alone."

"Leaders are always alone. You led them. You gave them a beacon to follow. Look, I know what kind of hard choices you had to make. There were times when they hated you, weren't there?"

She released him and closed his coat again. Then she whispered, "I'm afraid."

Jack let her statement hang in the air between them, but he squeezed her hand.

Back at her flat, tea made, nestled together in the lounge, he asked her. "What are you afraid of, Gwen?"

She leaned back against him. He felt so solid, so _present._ "I'm afraid of everything, Jack. I've been running as hard as I can for so long, I think that I'm out of road." She lifted her chin. "I'm not one of those women who can't do anything on my own, I've been self-sufficient for as long as I can remember."

"Why do you think I hired you? You're not afraid of anything. What do you think drew me to you? I need someone who can fight back, who can stand up to me, meet me on a level field." He chuckled, "Put me in my place occasionally."

"But I feel like I'm missing . . . something. I need a prop of some kind, something to hold me up . . . that's not being strong."

"You rose to the occasion for Torchwood."

"Totally out of necessity," she agreed. "I was the one who was most able."

"But that's the whole point. You are able," he pointed out. "Now you think you're falling apart? That's not who you are, Gwen."

She stiffened. "Maybe it's who I've become."

"It's not," he assured her with certainty.

She sat up out of the circle of his arms, and looked straight at him. "Jack. I have to be wanted. Torchwood needed me. It's not the same." She sighed.

"I want you," he pointed out.

"But do you really?" she asked, "Or are you just saying that because you know it's what I have to hear?"


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Wait.  
12 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,062  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait.

**Chapter 12—"I don't have to do this."**

"What do you need me to do, Gwen? I already offered the bended knee thing." He exhaled heavily, frustrated. "I don't have to do this . . ."

"That's what I mean," she said, indignant. "I know you don't have to do this! So why are you doing it? What do you get out of it?"

He shifted his arm to draw her in again. "Apparently, if I do it right, I get you. I want you. I need you. I don't know how else I can say it."

"But why?"

"I could lie to you or make something up, but I've bared my soul to you. I had a lot of time to think," he grimaced and gritted his teeth, "HANGING IN CHAINS, DYING EVERY DAY." He stood up, grabbed his coat and headed for the door. "Let me know when you're ready to get serious."

"That's just what I had asked you for, Jack," she said, following him. "Wait."

"Look, Gwen, we've always been good working partners. But there was tension and emotion simmering just under the surface. We both knew it, but we had . . . other partners, other responsibilities. Now we're both free, _finally, _free to consider our own desires, and you want me to quantify something that's not quantifiable."

She looked down at the floor. "I don't want to be left alone again." She looked up at him. "I don't want to be alone." She searched for another way to say it. "I'm afraid to be alone," she concluded.

He dropped to his knees and pulled her down to the floor. "I'm promising you that won't happen. I'll be with you . . ."

" . . . until I die . . ."

He took her face in both his hands and kissed her softly, then more insistently. "Forever," he whispered. "Whatever forever means to you."

She slipped her arms around him, finally, and closed her eyes. She let him kiss her, holding on to him for dear life. She couldn't let go. She felt him lift her from the floor, carry her to the bedroom, place her gently on the bed, and lie down next to her, holding her close. She started to cry, and whispered to him "I missed you," and he held her until she stopped crying.

"I think we should get a place where we can live together," he said. "No more sneaking around, no hole in the floor. A real life."

Gwen's eyes and nose were red from crying and she scrubbed at her face. "What do you mean?"

"I want it all to be different this time." Jack sighed. "Life above the ground might be a nice start." He stroked her hair, "I think we should start in a new place, not a sad place."

She breathed in his scent. "Just hold me like this for a little longer, please."

"Until morning, if you want," he said, kissing her cheek.

"It's very comforting," she murmured, turning to face him.

"Yes," he whispered, "it is. I haven't been touched by someone who truly loved me for a very long time."

She moved to lay one hand along the side of his face. "I'm happy that you came back."

"Do you believe me?"

"It's not hard when I want to believe it so much," Gwen whispered. "I have loved you for a very long time."

He nodded, and murmured, "I know." They lay together quietly for some time, pressed close.

Jack shifted, and toed off his boots, dropping them onto the floor. Gwen moved a bit farther back and slipped off the bed. "Um, Jack," she said, "I think we both need to get some sleep. Bright and early tomorrow, remember."

He got up from the other side of the bed. They faced each other across the bed, eyes locked.

She took off her sweater, he dropped his braces and unbuckled his belt.

She unbuttoned her blouse, he unbuttoned his shirt.

She unzipped her jeans, he unbuttoned his trousers.

She slipped out of her boots, he took off his socks.

She dropped her jeans, his trousers hit the floor.

Gwen reached out and turned off the lights, and in the darkness, she giggled as she turned down the bed and slipped between the sheets. Jack tore off the rest of his clothes, and threw back the covers to slide into bed next to her, laughing. "You just want to sleep?" he asked.

"It would be best," she admitted. "It's already late."

"You don't think they can start without us tomorrow?"

She shook her head. "I don't know if I can bear the knowing looks if we saunter in together."

He pulled her close, lips almost touching. The vibrations from his words tingled on her lips. "Sleep, then, another night won't kill us. Tomorrow we find a flat, and when we move in . . ."

"We still walk into the Hub tomorrow, together?"

"Aha," he said, triumphantly. "But on time! We stare them down together!"

She dropped her head down to press a kiss to the hollow of his throat. He made a contented sound, and put his lips to the top of her head. It was pleasant and warm, just cuddling together, breathing the same air.

Gwen's breathing was soft and regular. She had fallen asleep.

Jack smiled. "Now, _that_ _I did not expect,_" he thought, before allowing himself to drift into sleep, the smile still on his face.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Wait.  
13 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,062  
Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait.

**Chapter 13—"We're going to be late to work."**

Gwen found a yellow Post-it stuck to the face of her alarm clock when she woke in the morning, with a note written in fine copperplate penmanship. She could hear the shower running.

_the highest mountain I have ever climbed, _

_the finest comfort I have ever had_

She clasped her hands together and giggled to herself. She put the note carefully into the bedside drawer and pushed the covers aside. "We're going to be late to work," she sang as she pulled on a robe and walked into the kitchen and

_found Rhys just putting plates of bacon and eggs on the table._

_Gwen jumped back to the doorway, her hand pressed to her mouth, trying to keep from screaming. _

"_Good morning, sweetie," Rhys said with his soft smile, reaching for her._

_She pulled away from him, backing out of the kitchen, her eyes fixed on Rhys, who just stood in the kitchen with a look of puzzled shock on his face._

Jack was holding her in his arms, stroking her face, rocking her, whispering to her, "It's okay, Gwen, you're all right, shh . . ."

She forced herself upright, sweat streaming off her, fighting loose from Jack's embrace to sit against the headboard, trembling all over. "Oh, my god? Rhys? Rhys was making breakfast!"

Jack scrambled to get close to her again. "He's not here, Gwen. It was a nightmare." He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "Gwen, wake up. Come back to me," he crooned.

She shook herself violently, and screamed, clutching at Jack's back. Her nails left scratches on him as she convulsed, trying to hold him closer. "It was real!"

"It was not real," he assured her, "you were asleep. I've got you, I've got you."

Her screams finally quieted to whimpers, and she released her death grip on Jack to fall limp, sideways onto the pillows. He let her down gently, pulling her down in the bed to lay her head on the pillow. Tears were streaming from her eyes. Jack wiped her eyes with a corner of the sheet, and lay down close next to her. "Is it okay if I hold you?"

She nodded, and reached for him as he held her again. She was shuddering and jumpy, but she managed to put her arms around him, then pulled back to see his face. "Jack," she said, as if she was seeing him for the first time, "Jack." Then she buried her face in his neck, and gradually stopped shaking.

After a while, she let go of him, and he moved stiffly away from her a bit. "A little better now?"

She nodded again, and tried to take deeper breaths. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she flailed her arms, trying to get to the bedside table's drawer. She pulled out the drawer and rummaged until her hand came out with the yellow Post-it. "This," she said, her voice shaking.

"I gave that to you last night," Jack said, "and you said you were going to keep it safe, and tucked it into that drawer."

"No," she said, confused. "It was stuck to the face of my alarm clock."

"That's where I put it so you would see it," he said. "But you put it away last night."

She pulled the covers up over her breasts, blinking hard to keep from crying. "It was a dream?"

"It was a dream," Jack confirmed. Now his hands were shaking as he caressed her arms.

"I need to . . . I need to see . . . " she struggled clear of the sheets. "Help me . . ."

He guided her from the bed to the empty kitchen. No food on the table, no scent of cooking in the air. She nodded once, and collapsed. He caught her, and took her back to the bed.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Wait.  
14 of 14, complete  
Author: veritas6_5  
Fandom: Torchwood  
Rating: M for adult situations  
Pairing: Gwen C., Jack H., Ianto J., Toshiko S., and Owen H.  
Words: 1,177 Classification: _After S1, slightly AU; S2, then completely off canon_  
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to BBC and RTD. I mean them no harm. No copyright infringement is intended. I just take them out to play with them. I'll put them right back. Beta: karaokegal, the finest everWait.

**Chapter 14—"I'm tired of thinking."**

When Gwen woke again, a few hours later, with a start, she found Jack sitting in the window seat with a cup of coffee between his hands. Sunshine made the curtains glow behind him, outlining him with light. He was looking steadily at her. She looked steadily back at him, and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "I'm okay," she said softly.

He put the cup down on the sill, and climbed back onto the bed. She stretched her hand to touch his bare chest, settling over his heart. "I'm okay," she said again. "What time is it?"

He had turned the clock's face to the wall. "Doesn't matter. We're not going into the Hub today. I called them, they'll carry on without us. Want some coffee?"

Gwen caressed Jack's cheek. "No. Come here, you." He complied, and she hugged him close. "I'm done thinking. Thinking has given me nothing much more than pain and nightmares. I want a new life." She stopped him with a hand against his shoulder. "If you're lying to me, I'll kill you myself. I've had enough of wanting and not having."

He shrugged. "Kill me if you want. I came back once for you. I can do it again."

She felt very vulnerable, but his expression was sympathetic. She spoke with hesitation, feeling her pulses quicken. "I want to lose myself with you."

Jack slipped beneath the covers and pressed himself against the length of her body, chest to toes. "We've waited too long for this moment, haven't we?"

Gwen murmured her agreement, and curled herself against him, stroking him, and after a few deep breaths, moved to straddle his hips, guiding his erection until she could settle, taking him deeply into her body. He groaned as she moved on him, and she lifted herself to settle onto him again.

Jack rolled, lifting her and moving her without losing contact, to hold himself above her, thrusting into her until she moaned with pleasure, and grasped the back of his thighs, holding him still for a moment until she came, bucking beneath him. He adjusted his position for another deep thrust, and released himself, shaking and softly grunting his pleasure.

Finally he slipped out of her and rolled over to lie next to her, both of them sticky with sweat and come. Her face was flushed and he raised himself on one elbow to kiss her lips softly. She took his bottom lip between her teeth and tugged at his mouth until he sealed his mouth to hers.

Much much later, they separated, weary, completely spent, but unwilling to leave each other or the bed. Finally, Gwen looked at the window. "The sun has set," she observed.

"Yeah," Jack agreed, sleepily. "Timey-wimey."

She giggled at that. "We really should get up and have a shower together."

"We'll just get sticky again," he said, "with any kind of luck."

"It would still be good," Gwen insisted. "The tastes will be different."

"Well," he said, throwing the coverlet aside, "there's _one_ good reason." He pulled her from the bed, and naked, they headed for the shower. He turned on the water, and after it warmed, he took her hand, stepping into the water's stream. It felt wonderful. The jasmine soap suds left them slippery and laughing. Gwen washed her hair, while Jack washed her body, concentrating on the stickiest parts, which led her to scrub gently at his stickiest parts, and soon they were both ready to make love again.

They dried each other with the fluffy towels and he became hard again, but the bed was still damp, and since neither of them wanted to stop to change the sheets, they spread fresh towels on the floor of the lounge and proceeded to get sticky again.

Back to the shower; this time the hot water ran out, and they jumped out of the shower, dried off again, wound clean sheets around themselves as togas, and warmed up the Chinese food, which they ate sitting on the couch.

When the food was mostly gone, and they were full, Jack plucked at Gwen's toga and started unwrapping her. She clutched her sheet around her and ran back to the bedroom, shrieking with laughter. He followed her, and they remade the bed with their togas, and fell gratefully into it again. They made love until they were both tired. They slept, entwined, still unwilling to let go of each other.

Jack woke first, and watched Gwen sleeping. He tenderly kissed her eyelids and her fingertips until she woke up. "So much better than an alarm," she murmured sleepily.

"But now we really should get up," he said. "Tosh called."

Gwen became immediately awake. "Rift spike?"

He nodded. She kissed him quickly and got out of the bed. "When? How big?"

He shook his head. "A little while ago, not very big. But we should go in."

Gwen was pulling on fresh clothes, and Jack lolled in the bed watching her. "You're not getting up?"

He gestured at the tented sheet. "Oh, yes. I am."

She smiled. "Get _dressed_."

"I only have the clothes I arrived in," he complained. "Two days ago."

"Oh no," she corrected him, laughing. Turning back to her closet, she came out with hangers holding a clean blue shirt and grey trousers. His clothes. "There's underwear in the bottom drawer, yours."

He got out of bed naked and took his time stretching, posing a bit for Gwen. She opened the drawer and threw clean underwear at him. He caught it deftly. "I'm flattered," he said, "but why do you have my clothes in your closet?"

She paused, wearing her bra, but holding her shirt. "When we cleared out the bunker," she said thoughtfully, "I just couldn't pack it away, so I brought most of your clothes home with me." She sat down on the bed, pulled her shirt over her head. "For a while," she said, "I slept in one of your shirts."

He came over to her and kissed her on the top of her head. "Sweet."

"I just couldn't let you go," she said softly.

"I'm glad," he said, just as softly.

When they finally made it in, as the cog door opened, and the siren screamed, they were met by the applause of the whole team. Scattered at their workstations, Ianto led them as they all stood up and hooted and hollered until Gwen blushed to the roots of her hair.

"Enough!" Jack roared. "Don't you people have anything to do?"

xxx


End file.
